Weaning Day 18

Today... Pretty much a completely crap day. This is quite possibly our lowest point so far.
Tova has more spots today, much worse than yesterday.
I am feeling scared, angry, helpless, scared... She is still tired and feeling sick. She has a sore throat and a cough.

I wish we had never come here (But in reality I wouldn't have done anything differently). Very confusing.

Little princess Tova didn't eat anything for breakfast, we think her throat hurts too much and she generally feels too sick to eat.

Back to PEG feeding to give her the power to kick this bug in the f*#*ing arse! OMFG, I don't want this to be happening. I want Tova to never suffer again. She has suffered enough in her little life. Stupid sickness! Leave my baby alone idiot virus!

After a second opinion on the spots we are slightly reassured that they are 'only' to do with the virus she has..... hmmm..
Eva was with the doctor when he examined Tova, it was nice to hear her common sense and compassionate words. She is extremely lovely to Tova, talking to her in a soothing way (in German) and showing us that she truly cares.

Tova was admitted to the hospital as an inpatient today as she isn't improving fast enough to make everyone 'happy'.
After another blood test coming back 'normal' we all decided that Tova would be better off at home with us. No admission. What a ride!

We are home now with our spotty Tova (spots aren't C.pox looking, more rash like).

The NZ baby has a fever and has been admitted for the night. Happy birthday for tomorrow!

Basically it has been a week from hell and we are tired, scared and sick of wishing that tomorrow will bring us new hope.

Finally this evening there has been a small change in Tova, she is less vacant and a touch more focused. We even got some magic smiles from her. Is she coming back to us? All of a sudden PEG feeding isn't so bad!!
We haven't been feeding her full PEG feeds, just what we feel is enough to give her some fight.

She still isn't wanting to eat more than a couple of mills at a time.

Today has been emotional. The entire week has been emotional. The entire TRIP has been emotional.

New ticket booked for a little bit later than original. Home, we miss you!


Weaning Day 17

I woke up this morning feeling heavy and drained, however this is a billion times improvement to how I felt all of yesterday. I felt grateful for the relief.

Tova is still feeling sick and today is covered in spots, not chickenpox looking spots, more like an allergy rash. We took her to the doctor, who agreed the spots aren’t anything to worry about.
Tova had another blood test day. She is normal according to her blood.

She isn’t normal according to Yuval and me. Today is her 3rd day of not eating much and 5th day of being sick.
All Tova does is sleep and be floppy, it is scary and upsetting.

We gave her milk via the PEG today as she has only had about 50 mills of food over the last two days. Hopefully the PEG milk will give her the energy to fight the bug she has.

The doctors have asked us to stay for an extra week, so there will be a week 4 for us. I have to change the plane ticket. It is hard because I am missing home so much, but of course, I wouldn't have it any other way. This is the best place for Tova to be! We are lucky.

I weighed Tova today, she is now 7.83kg. Perhaps that is because of all the work the laxative did the other day (and that she isn't eating).

Nissim is great, though he is teething with 4 teeth at once, last night he woke about 5 times. Tova also woke many times. Yuval and I are tired.

CNN has finally come back, giving us one TV channel in English.

Seriah the princess I wrote about last week seems to have vanished, not sure if she was eating.

Lucy, the Irish girl still isn't eating, she has however started drinking a fraction of chocolate milk. My heart breaks when I see her and I find it hard not to cry. She looks so sweet and innocent and thin. It will be worth it though, she will eat and no one will ever look back!

The NZ family are going home on Sat morning (the day after his first birthday), with an eating baby.

There are three new families in the group. I haven't been in the picnic the last few days to know much about them. One family are Brittish/Bulgarian and their child doesn't have a tube, but the doctors at home are saying that is the next step, not if Graz has anything to do with it! Incredibly the mumma found out about the website http://tubefedkids.ning.com/
last Sunday and started Graz weaning program on Monday.

Mum, we are missing you and all your help.
Playzone girls, we miss you!

I hope, as I do every night, that tomorrow will give us back our normal Tova! PLEASE!
She did manage to eat a meal tonight, about 60mils all together perhaps. So, that is a great sign.

Thanks for all the well wishes too. As I keep saying, we are pretty lonely here, so all emails and messages are very helpful and appreciated!

No photos again, as all I have been doing is worrying.

Weaning Day 16

This is the worst week ever.
We are very worried about Tova.
I am sick with what Yuval had the other day.
We didn't go anywhere or do anything today. Tova and I have been in bed all day.
The boys just went to the shop and got me some lollies and Tova some chocolate pudding. Thank god for the boys, Miss T actually ate a little bit of the pudding.
Please god let this be a sign of things going back to good.

Weaning Day 15

Little Tova is sick and has a temperature. No wonder she has been so flat all weekend.
We also asked the nurse to give T a suppository, it worked, but Yuval and I suspect there is more in there. She is now on Panadol and laxatives. I want her to be well and feeling fantastic. My heart breaks when I see her suffer!

She is sleeping now. All she wants to do is sleep. Last night she slept for 13 hours.
Hopefully sleep will fix everything.

We went to physio this morning, we had another lady (not Eva), who is equally as lovely. Tova fell asleep in Physio while they did some cranial therapy.
We missed Music therapy.
In OT the therapist put T in the swing but Tova just couldn't get into it, she ate and fell asleep.
We canceled Speech and went and had her temperature taken, that is when we found out she was sick (not just adjusting to eating).
So home we went. No play picnic today, well Nissim went in for about 10 mins before we went home.

We are giving Tova magic water in her PEG as instructed by the doctors. The doctors aren't worried.

This evening Tova isn't interested in food. But she isn't as hot as earlier. The laxative has worked. I really hope that tomorrow she is perfect!

Einstein is on, she is almost enjoying watching it.

The sun is shining today. The snow is sparkling and looks pretty.

Weaning Day 14

Sunday in Graz means boredom, at least that is what it means during the winter with no car and two babies.
Not sure what is up with little T but she is tired again today. She spent the night in bed with us pushing me around as she likes to sleep sideways. Maybe she is tired from bugging me all night.

During the night Yuval gave her some magic water via her PEG, first PEG use in a week. She settled after that, but woke up this morning sad. I just gave her some laxative via PEG (while she is sleeping), maybe that is her problem.. We wait and see.

I am pretty ready to come home. The snow, once beautiful and exciting, has now become cold and restrictive. It is hard to do anything because it is so cold out side and difficult to take the pram through the snow. Would be nice to have a babysitter so Yuval and I could go do something fun.
I know we aren't here for fun, but it helps one to stay positive.

It isn't all bad, we are warm and up here at the guest house the falling snow looks pretty.
We fed the animals this afternoon, Nissim and Tova like watching that. The deer thingy got upset with a goat and they hit horns, it made a great clanking sound (like two ninja poles).
Yuval tried to 'ski', fell over and became freezing, that was the end of that.

Both babies are asleep now at 6pm, I must be dreaming.

I hope Tova is back to normal tomorrow. We worry when she is so flat, it is almost as if she is depressed. She has eaten a good amount of food today, which is a relief, she is so clever. I discovered that she LOVES pureed peach with passion fruit, she ate about 100grams of it. I love watching her eat, the little mouth looks so cute with food in it and the little lips smaking together. Yum, I could eat HER!!

I am happy it is the end of the day. Looking forward to tomorrow and all that it will bring.